Lenny has been with The Source since July 2019, one month before the store officially opened, and is the clever mind behind our borrowed motto, “May the Source be with you.” He says someone sneezed one day, and he responded with the famous Star Wars line when the idea clicked.

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Grower Rob Garcia notes that cloning is one of the most delicate parts of the grow process, “From this point forward, we will be with this plant through its entire life cycle. It’s amazing to watch them grow.”

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Lenny started working for The Source as a budtender and is now part of our Grow team. Besides being surrounded by cannabis, his favorite part about working for The Source is the family that he’s gained. When asked why he joined the cannabis industry, he said, “I was made for this shit! And I got lucky.”

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Come visit Lenny this Thursday at a pop-up in our lobby. He’s going to be talking about terpenes, and we will be giving away stickers and magnets in order to commemorate our favorite Source holiday!

In 2019, Bulldozer Health proudly organized Fayetteville, Arkansas' first 420 festival, celebrating holistic health and well-being. It was called "The Green Heart Festival." The energy created by the inaugural festival was amazing, and more volunteers began to get involved. As the chief volunteer and queen of Bulldozer Health, I had to ensure that I still cared for myself and balanced my volunteer work by regularly doing everything I spoke about. It was a balancing act for sure as things were growing. 

However, the outbreak of the worldwide pandemic in 2020 brought unforeseen challenges, forcing us to cancel our planned 420 festival for Fayetteville on April 20, 2020.

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The End of Bulldozer Health

As a grassroots organization, it became apparent that we couldn't sustain Bulldozer Health any longer, and with a heavy heart, we closed the nonprofit at the end of 2020. The journey had its ups and downs. Overall, it was a fantastic experience that brought many volunteers, ideas, and attention to the cause. Our impact on countless lives filled us with immense pride and fulfillment. The passion for making a difference in the world remained alive within me, and I knew that my journey, though transformed, was far from over.

Much like Bulldozer Health, my health journey provided ups and downs over the years. I was able to keep my pharmaceutical drug list in my control. Asking questions about side effects and interactions for any drug they want to prescribe is my norm. I say no to them often, and sometimes with challenges from the doctor. It doesn't matter to me if they disagree. It's my body and my life. 

Any doctor that doesn't agree with cannabis use or who tries to tell me smoking joints isn't good for me won't stay on my medical team because I know that it was medical marijuana that saved my life and continues to create the homeostasis necessary for my health and wellness. And not only that, smoking flower improves the asthma that I have. Not vaping, of course— smoking. There are studies to support this. 

Cannabinoid Deficiency

The truth is, I believe I have a cannabinoid deficiency. My body never feels right without some added cannabinoids. It's the key that unlocks my actual health and wellness. The power is truly in the plant. I have learned that due to long-term Federal prohibition, many people have a cannabinoid deficiency. When they learn about the possibility of improved health and wellness with cannabis medicine, or medical marijuana, they are often compelled to try it. I hear the same story from people over and over. When they start to use the medicine, they finally feel like their body is working right. They finally have some hope.

Wellness is truly a winding journey, not a straight line. There's no magic cure, including cannabis, even though it is an excellent medicine for many ailments and has killed no one. But still, it isn't for EVERY body. It requires self-modification, exploration, and education to get the right blend that works optimally. And pharmaceutical drugs still have their place. We must not throw the baby out with the bath water where that is concerned. 

I continue on this journey, including healing all of the trauma that has affected me so profoundly. Cannabis has also assisted me with that, as she opens my mind to new possibilities and calming the PTSD and anxiety symptoms so I can heal. 

Time to return to my profession

Twelve years passed from the day I left work as an occupational therapist, so ill that in a short time, I was in a power wheelchair and unable to care for myself. It was time to attempt to go back to work. I nervously looked up what I would do to get my occupational therapy license back in Arkansas and Massachusetts. 

I had moved back to Arkansas full-time, and Angela and I got back together a few years before the worldwide pandemic started. First, I tried to get my Arkansas OTR license. Arkansas did not make it easy to get back my license, though. I completed many hours of continuing education and got recertified by our professional organization, but still, they wanted more. 

The Universe is always working in my favor.

Since my Massachusetts license had only lapsed for four and a half years, it was easier to reinstate that one. I then obtained a job as Director of Rehab in a facility. It was shocking that they hired me as Director, but they told me I had plenty of previous experience and, more importantly, energy since I had yet to work through the first two and a half years of the pandemic. 

Many people were burned out in healthcare then, and I was freshly stepping back in. That was attractive to employers and a reminder that the Universe always works in my favor. 

After being home nonstop for two years due to the pandemic, just leaving the house was a little daunting. I had to keep encouraging myself and reminding myself that it was time. To make it easier,  Antonio flew to Arkansas to make the trip by car back to Massachusetts. Being in my home state to attempt this was a blessing and helped me transition to a worker. I was so excited! 

Once there, I moved in with one of my best friends, and I was back to work in a short time. Though my body was tired every night, I was so honored and excited to be able to work again. Though I desired it, I never thought I would attain this level in my journey. Since I have always been a perfectionist, living up to my own standards was one of the hardest parts, along with having to be somewhere on time every day and meet others' expectations. Many people told me it would be just like the old adage about riding a bike, and soon it would be easy for me to work as an occupational therapist and rehab director. That was very true. 

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The health system is still broken.

Unfortunately, the issues with the health system have worsened, and many of my patients were on giant lists of pharmaceuticals. Cannabis was not an option due to the ongoing Federal prohibition of the medicine. It was all more frustrating than ever with everything I'd been through. And I couldn't talk about it. This conundrum made me realize that mainstream medicine wasn't where I would stay over the long term. But for now, it was essential to learn, gain current experience, and keep moving forward. 

I had hoped that Angela would follow me back to Massachusetts and we would live there. For several reasons, however, it didn't work out for my family to stay in Massachusetts. I returned to Arkansas and went back to attempting to obtain an Arkansas occupational therapy license. Finally, they issued my license, and I felt relieved. I had earned it and was ready to find a job at home. The home was feeling good at that time. All that I had hoped for was happening right in front of me.

Angela was so happy that I came back. I think she was worried I might not return. It was challenging on some levels to do so. However, Fayetteville's art and music community is quite alluring, and I missed it. I also missed her very much. Our relationship isn't a straight line either. But love is always present and soothes the aching hearts of two people suffering from illness, trauma, and heartache. Our love and marriage bind us as family, which is very important to me. 

I'm still working on balancing cannabis use, working, and my health issues. It's pretty intense dealing with all the different diseases, remaining forward-thinking, realizing my capabilities, and establishing my limitations. 

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Lessons learned from being sick

Disability and illness have taught me many things: 

• Each day truly is a gift. Have some fun, no matter what challenges you face.    

• We are in charge of a good deal of our health. Be empowered. Take charge. 

• Learning about and healing trauma is essential to health and wellness. 

• Cannabis, along with the remedies for health, including positive thinking, using pharmaceutical drugs when the benefit outweighs the risk, nutrition, exercise, and adequate rest, is vital.  

• Health and healing do not happen in a straight line. The journey always continues, and even at a low, all is possible. 

I meet people who were helped or touched by Bulldozer Health constantly in person and online. Every time, this makes me smile. I learned much about media through the Bulldozer Health Show and The Wendy Love Edge Show—now called The Edge Show. And it was my honor to serve, educate and assist others via the nonprofit as I continually learned to heal myself.

In 2021, The Edge Show won the best TV, radio show, and podcast in Northwest Arkansas by The Idle Class Magazine. Angela and I couldn't have been more proud. I was also given The Patient Choice Award at The Cannabis Awards presented by The Mike Wise Show. I've been asked to appear on countless podcasts, radio, and TV shows and speak at HempFests and other festivals. It's nice to be recognized, but more importantly, it makes my heart feel full and happy that people want to listen, be inspired, find their voice, and improve their own health and wellness. 

Hope is a bridge.

I didn't anticipate the impact of my journey on those who are disabled like me. I think sometimes people only see what disabled people cannot do. I am still disabled. My body has limitations, and my mental health poses challenges as well. Maybe it's the Occupational Therapist in me, but I can't help but turn that around and find my abilities, creating more as I go for a more enriched and full life. I'm eternally curious and have managed to remain an optimist.

I also believe that cannabis helps the mind create and see possibilities, so she is my constant companion. I haven't always made perfect decisions in this life, but I have had the best lessons, many of them from while I was ill and facing my own mortality. My best decision was to become empowered in my health and wellness.

Because by becoming empowered, anything is possible, and hope is a bridge to a happy and full life.

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If you are interested in learning more about Wendy's consulting services, visit her website or contact her directly via email at edgecoachingandconsulting@gmail.com.

So, we did. Day after day, we leaned on marijuana as a tool to navigate my tumultuous journey to healing and wellness. The process was particularly grueling due to the difficulty of weaning off pharmaceutical medicines like Gabapentin, Cymbalta, morphine, and Percocet, which all posed unique challenges throughout the healing process. Some challenges included electric shocks in my arms and legs, nausea, deep depressive thoughts, heightened anxiety, muscle spasms, and extremely heightened pain. 

The side effects were easily alleviated by the marijuana I was using. I needed Donna's encouragement to use cannabis, as my body and brain were still adjusting to the fact that it was medicine. It was a bit of a mind-twist at first due to all of the reefer madness indoctrination I had encountered throughout my life. But the side effects of withdrawal were devastating at times. I had to start to trust in the process and enjoy the elation, happiness, and decreased negative symptoms the plant provided me.

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As I embarked on my journey with cannabis, I indulged in whatever foods I desired. Ben and Jerry's ice cream became a staple in my diet, and Donna graciously ensured that all my cravings were met. However, the repercussions of eating these foods were apparent in the form of my weight, which had soared to nearly 300 lbs during my illness, and continued to climb.

I felt ashamed regarding my size, recognizing that it negatively impacted my physical and emotional health, although my physicians never broached the topic. It became evident that other health remedies were equally crucial in conjunction with cannabis to achieve balance and wellness. While marijuana established a foundation of homeostasis within my brain, blood vessels, organs, and body as a whole, it opened my eyes to the importance of considering other lifestyle choices for optimal wellness and well-being. I knew I would need to tackle this soon, but I had more important concerns to handle first.

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Obtaining a medical cannabis card

I realized that obtaining a legal, medical marijuana card in Massachusetts was vital for treatment. Until then, I had relied on Donna for access to my medication. It was time for me to stand on my own two feet, both figuratively and literally. However, the journey proved to be more complex than anticipated. I discovered that my doctors couldn't prescribe cannabis outright; they could only provide a "recommendation." 

Additionally, most clinics refused to recommend medical cannabis for fear of losing their licenses since it was still federally illegal. As a healthcare professional, this revelation was startling. Driven to keep moving forward, I kept researching and eventually found a clinic called Cannacare Docs that housed healthcare professionals capable of providing medical marijuana recommendations. 

The side effects of withdrawal were devastating at times. I had to start to trust in the process and enjoy the elation, happiness, and decreased negative symptoms the plant provided me.

I arrived at the healthcare clinic with medical records, identification, and cash for the visit. I felt like I was going underground and stepping into the future simultaneously. The receptionist accepted my state ID and medical records and asked me for the payment. I handed her the cash, hopeful that this was all legit. I knew it was; this was the first time I had handed over cash for a medical appointment before it took place, though. The receptionist asked me to fill out some forms and hold onto them until I was called. I sat nervously, waiting amongst several other patients. I completed the forms, and finally, they called my name. 

A clinician in a Cannacare Docs smock asked me to follow him into a treatment room. He took my blood pressure, pulse, and the clinic forms I had filled out. He asked me a few questions and then taught me about Massachusetts's current laws at the time for medical marijuana use. He also explained different routes of administration, how to store marijuana properly, and more. He gave me a handout with all of the information he went over included in it. 

Intrigued by their thorough approach, I left the clinic armed with some cannabis wellness education and my recommendation. I had paid the cash fee of $200, a fee I would now have to pay out of pocket annually. Subsequently, I had to pay an additional $50 to the state of Massachusetts to register as a medical marijuana patient. 

The realization struck me—this financial burden could pose a significant hardship for many disabled individuals. Despite my disability payments being somewhat higher due to my extensive work history, it was a hardship for me, and I recognized the impact it could have on others.

Nonetheless, I felt a sense of relief in becoming a legal patient. Unfortunately, the cannabis industry was just beginning to take shape in Massachusetts, and dispensaries did not exist. I soon learned that caregivers had the authority to grow marijuana for patients, but in a ridiculous twist, the clinic was forbidden from sharing a list of legally approved caregivers. The situation seemed utterly absurd! I had paid a total of $250, yet there was still no medicine readily available, and the limited avenues to obtain it were frustratingly convoluted. "Is this truly how they treat patients?" I thought in disbelief. 

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Personalized treatment with cannabis

Fortune smiled upon me when, through word of mouth from someone who assisted me with daily tasks such as showers and cleaning, I stumbled upon a potential solution. I mentioned my predicament, and to my delight, my helper knew a caregiver who could help. I felt a sense of joy as he visited my home and assessed all my diseases and symptoms. In his presence, I felt an overwhelming sense of comfort and compassion, reminiscent of the days when a doctor would make house calls during my childhood illnesses. 

The caregiver asked pertinent questions about the diseases and symptoms I was experiencing. He knew these were predominantly inflammatory and autoimmune. I was impressed with the depth of his medical knowledge. I was filled with gratitude to have this healthcare provider on my team.

My medical cannabis caregiver outlined the marijuana strains he intended to grow specifically for me, both those already available and those he planned to cultivate. He also said he would take the notes he took home and review them further. He let me know if he had more questions after that, he would contact me. It was apparent that he cared very much about my physical health and mental health. He clearly wanted to find the proper treatment and marijuana plants specifically for me.

Expressing my gratitude, I donated money for his effort and received a supply of organically grown, extraordinary cannabis. It was a promising beginning, and Donna shared in my excitement, eagerly anticipating how much of a positive impact this particular natural medicine would have on my health. I was also grateful to share this experience with her, as we had shared so many stories, pearls of wisdom, and some of the most challenging moments of my life. Some were heartbreaking moments, although there were hilarious, beautiful moments too. She witnessed the journey I had embarked on, not knowing if it would work or what would happen. We were pioneers. 

As I continued to wean down on the pharmaceuticals and gain more mental clarity, I realized I still had to use arm crutches to walk. Since mainstream medicine had essentially failed me, I decided to examine alternative medicine closely for some answers to this problem. Earlier in my life, I saw a chiropractor, an acupuncturist, an herbalist, and a craniosacral therapist for different ailments and conditions. On all of those occasions, those practitioners helped me immensely. I thought it might be time to revisit that. 

It turned out Donna knew an excellent chiropractor, so I decided to see him. When I learned about his fee, I thought, "I'm not sure how I'm going to do this." Between the marijuana not being covered by insurance and the chiropractor, I was unsure I could afford much else. I didn't let it stop me, though. That same voice that told me my body could heal itself kept telling me, "The universe is always providing." So, I kept moving forward. I went to the chiropractor, and he offered for me to see him for half the price. I took this as a sign that I was moving in the right direction and began treatment. 

Wellness: a state of holistic health

The Global Wellness Institute defines wellness as "the active pursuit of activities, choices, and lifestyles that lead to a state of holistic health."

I started to recall in my memory information I had previously known. For instance, sugar, which I had discovered earlier in my life, is known to increase inflammation and is particularly detrimental for individuals not only with diabetes but also with any kind of inflammatory or autoimmune illnesses. I had the epiphany that food can function as medicine, too, and I started exploring this further.

I searched Google for foods that cause inflammation and foods that would encourage health and discourage disease. I added to the search specifically foods that could heal and prevent further disease to the search. I realized that I had to start shopping on the outside perimeter of the market where fresh and unprocessed food lived and at farmers' markets. I learned about pesticides and the dirty dozen list—and how purchasing only organic versions of the foods on that list was important. Nutrition, I learned, was paramount to health and wellness.

While marijuana established a foundation of homeostasis within my brain, blood vessels, organs, and body as a whole, it opened my eyes to the importance of considering other lifestyle choices for optimal wellness and well-being.

Consequently, Donna and I discontinued our relationship with Ben and Jerry's ice cream and instead began purchasing organic food, more produce, focusing on fresh vegetables, and cooking meals instead of relying on takeout.

Furthermore, I recognized the significance of physical activity, adequate sleep, and filling your mind with positive influences. "These are the health remedies," I thought to myself. I couldn't wait to converse with Donna about my contemplated ruminations. The results were fabulous. Together, we decided to start swimming at the YWCA. Being in a women's center made me feel at ease with my body and allowed me to comfortably engage in exercise. Fortunately, we could save money with this new positive endeavor and obtain reduced membership fees. 

Swimming was an excellent way to begin to move my body again. I started my physical health journey by just walking in the water. We went to the YWCA daily during the week. It was exhausting at first just going through the routine of walking to the locker room with my arm crutches, getting undressed, donning a swimsuit, and walking to the pool area, where I used an electronic lift to lower myself into the pool at first. By the time I was in, I was already exhausted. I knew this was a health treatment and remedy I needed, so I persevered. I was, after all, a therapist at heart. I knew about all of the evidence and science of exercise and its healing abilities for the body and soul. Before long, I didn't need the lift and could lower myself into the pool. I also went from walking laps to actually swimming in the water.

We soon realized that we were not sleeping enough. I often had increased pain at night, and we had the habit of watching funny TV shows and movies or having deep conversations late into the night. We needed to focus on this issue, as adequate rest is essential for disease healing and prevention of future diseases. We finally committed to establishing a reasonable and achievable bedtime, and medical cannabis was a dutiful aid for this process.

People often ask me how I persevered. It was the fact that I changed my mind and decided that I could be healthier; this was the most essential health remedy.

People often ask me how I persevered through the lengthy and grueling process of recovering health and wellness from such a low point. The truth is, it was the fact that I changed my mind and decided that I could be healthier; this was the most essential health remedy. I studied all the sciences in school to become an occupational therapist. I knew how the body worked. I had rediscovered the fact that it could heal itself. 

But I realized that while this is true, you must put the body in the right conditions to do what it is built to do. So while changing my mind to the positive and deciding that I could be healthy was pivotal, cannabis medicine was just as crucial.

It was marijuana creating homeostasis in my body and clarity in my brain, ultimately paving the way for the health remedies and positive changes to be a significant part of my health and wellness journey. I could genuinely feel my physical self transforming for the better. I was starting to lose weight and have more energy, and I could recognize that with the combination of the cannabis plant and the health remedies, I was starting to heal. More importantly, the suffering was ending, and the quality of my life was improving.

Walking without crutches

A remarkable moment occurred during a visit to the chiropractor. He demonstrated improved alignment and strength of my spine, retesting me as he did during the evaluation he performed at the start of the course of treatment. He also had me perform some exercises that I could not previously perform. It was also clear that my pain had lessened.

Encouraged by my progress, he suggested that I try walking around the room without my arm crutches. Surprisingly, I managed it effortlessly, standing tall and meeting his gaze. It was an incredibly gratifying experience, and I exclaimed, "No amount of pills could have ever accomplished this. Thank you, Doctor." He nodded, acknowledging my progress, and said, "We still have more work to do, but you are visibly healthier. Keep going." I wholeheartedly agreed, expressing my gratitude from the bottom, and top, of my heart. 

As my healing and transformation continued, I grew increasingly bothered by my hair. I realized that remnants of pharmaceutical chemicals were lingering in my hair, creating an unpleasant and unclean sensation due to their combination with hair dye remnants. While driving with Donna one day, I revealed that I had been thinking about shaving my head. She wholeheartedly supported me and promptly pointed out a nearby salon. 

We pulled over and practically ran into the salon. I explained my intentions to the receptionist, who agreed they could accommodate my request. As each line and section of hair was gradually shaved off, I felt a growing sense of liberation. Tears welled in my eyes when the task was completed, followed by laughter. I loved it; there was no longer anywhere to hide. 

As each line and section of hair was gradually shaved off, I felt a growing sense of liberation. Tears welled in my eyes, followed by laughter. I loved it; there was no longer anywhere to hide. 

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Shortly after that, I realized that I had not only regained the ability to walk without assistive devices but also shed 25 pounds and successfully weaned myself off ten pharmaceutical drugs. I began to feel genuinely well, with cannabis effectively managing my pain, anxiety, and PTSD symptoms. I had limited hope before this transformative journey when I relied on sixteen different pharmaceutical medicines. At that time, each month, new ailments and symptoms would emerge, such as viral meningitis, high fevers, and myasthenia gravis, including drooping eyelids and double vision, causing hospitalizations. I even had an allergic reaction to the flu shot. 

However, these symptoms gradually receded into the background as my use of medical marijuana, my lifestyle changes, other herbal supplements, alternative treatments, and the sheer determination to improve my life took hold instead. 

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Returning to the mainstream doctor

I became increasingly aware of the impact of illness and the mainstream healthcare system on others. Realizing the need for guidance with the remaining six medications and wanting to demonstrate the potential of cannabis and positive lifestyle choices, I scheduled an appointment with my doctor. As I anxiously waited in the room, unsure what to expect, my doctor entered. I stood up and walked towards him. Upon seeing me, he smiled uncontrollably and exclaimed, "Wendy Edge, is that really you? Standing tall without any device, looking slimmer? How did you do it?" 

Before, new ailments and symptoms would emerge each month. But these symptoms gradually receded into the background as my use of medical marijuana, my lifestyle changes, other herbal supplements, alternative treatments, and the sheer determination to improve my life took hold instead. 

Overwhelmed with emotion, tears in my eyes, and hope in my heart, I explained my journey. To my delight, my physician wholeheartedly supported every decision I made. He revealed that he legally couldn’t tell me to stop taking any of the medicines I was previously on. “You have a diagnosis that goes with every drug prescribed. I could have lost my license if I told you to stop them. I’m glad you found alternatives and are feeling better,” he said.

Returning home, brimming with pride and motivated to continue my pursuit of health and wellness using natural means, I decided to meditate on my next steps. I closed my eyes, finding comfort in my seated position. Instantly, a vivid image of a bulldozer appeared in my mind. Intrigued, I asked my higher self for its meaning. Then, the bulldozer reappeared, its depths filled with pill bottles and injections. It was an incredibly powerful revelation. 

Synchronicities & a new passion

Months had passed since I last heard from my wife. I was missing her and was unclear about the future. The following morning, as I opened my email, there it was—an email from her. 

As a musician, she shared her latest song creations with me. Given our separation, I was wondering if she would continue doing so. However, the subject line read: "New Song." I anxiously opened the email, discovering that the file was labeled "Bulldozer." The file name was another sign. It was a treatment for my soul.

Not only did we still have a connection, which was mentally and emotionally affirming, but the bulldozer had some importance. The connection between my meditation from the previous night, the journey I was embarking on, and my doctor's visit suddenly became clear. It became apparent that I was meant to help others understand and access cannabis, learn about the health remedies, and explore alternative healthcare options. 

People needed an alternative to mainstream medicine. If they desired comprehensive well-being beyond the reliance on pills, tests, and surgeries, they needed to understand the potential benefits of using cannabis as medicine and discover what other options were available. 

And so it was. Bulldozer Health was born.

Continue reading about Wendy’s health journey in Part 3 »

If you are interested in learning more about Wendy's consulting services, visit her website or contact her directly via email at edgecoachingandconsulting@gmail.com.

Within a week, I received a life-altering diagnosis: Dermatomyositis. Those words reverberated through my mind like a thunderclap, shattering the hope I had clung to. The type of dermatomyositis I had was an insidious and formidable illness with severe symptoms that demanded my attention, challenging me to confront the darkest corners of my being. My immune system was attacking its body tissues, essentially eating my skin and muscle cells. 

The burden of dermatomyositis, combined with my existing conditions—including psoriasis, psoriatic arthritis, heart stents, diabetes, anxiety, and posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD)—made the situation even more devastating. 

You see, I was no stranger to illness, but the drugs I had previously been prescribed by health care providers, including biologics, opiates, and muscle relaxers, allowed me to keep working, maintain a home, and raise children. I never thought these illnesses would eventually stop me in my tracks. I was a strong and capable woman, and my Grandmother Rose had taught me to be independent. “Never depend on a man or anyone,” she told me in my youth. I had taken that to heart and saw myself as intelligent, capable, and able to overcome any adversity—despite these illnesses.

At the doctor's office, however, they told me that I would die from dermatomyositis or the treatment for it. This inflammatory and autoimmune disease would soon become my teacher in many ways, but at that moment, I only desired to live. So I resolved to do whatever my healthcare providers said was the appropriate treatment for this autoimmune disease to achieve that goal.  

Pharmaceutical overload

As the drugs accumulated in my system, the muscle strength in my arms and legs weakened. The dosage of opiates increased due to the chronic pain I felt. I was introduced to 120 mg of prednisone alongside a chemotherapy drug. As a diabetic, I needed more insulin due to the high doses of steroids, as well as medication to treat nausea. Depression settled in, and despite the plethora of pills I was taking to treat severe pain (morphine around the clock and Percocet four times a day), the pain persisted. 

Cymbalta was added to the mix, as it can treat pain caused by chronic muscle inflammation and depression.

One drug leads to the next in an attempt to combat the side effects of the previous one. Before I knew it, I was on sixteen pills and injections.

You see, with pharmaceutical products, one drug leads to the next in an attempt to combat the side effects of the previous one, creating a never-ending cycle. Before I knew it, I was on sixteen different pills and injections, confined to a power wheelchair due to progressive muscle weakness, and unable to care for myself. I was completely “bulldozed,” a term I later coined to describe how it felt. 

My wife became my caretaker, bathing, dressing, and assisting me to the toilet. This was our new reality, and it became increasingly difficult for me to maintain emotional stability. I oscillated between tears, outbursts, and long periods of sleep.

Amidst the physical and emotional turmoil, we were burdened by the weight and fear of financial hardship. As the primary earner in our household, my income was slashed in half due to short-term disability, and the impending end of my health insurance loomed over us. Fear gripped our hearts, for in Arkansas, there was little to no access to Medicaid or substantial assistance of any kind. My wife’s family of devout Christians told me that I was praying to the wrong God, and that’s why I was sick, so there was no help there. My parents were already deceased, so obviously, there was no help there either. 

Desperate to make ends meet, we exhausted our savings and retirement funds and resorted to selling our belongings on the front lawn.

In the following months, progress slowed as the doses of steroids and methotrexate were gradually reduced. With the aid of a walker and, eventually, arm crutches, I regained some mobility and muscle strength. However, I remained reliant on a multitude of other medications as I tapered off the prednisone and methotrexate, and the doctors added new drugs to the mix. The count of medications I took constantly hovered around sixteen. I took most of these drugs several times a day.

It soon became apparent that remaining in Arkansas was no longer feasible. Thankfully, a few compassionate friends came to our aid, helping us pack up and embark on our journey back to Massachusetts. However, complications arose as we discovered that a tenant who had stopped paying rent still occupied our house in Massachusetts. Due to our preoccupation with my illness, we could not initiate eviction proceedings. Despite falling several months behind on mortgage payments, we had notified the bank that I had applied for disability, hoping it would be approved before they seized the home I had cherished for two decades.

With the aid of a walker and, eventually, arm crutches, I regained some mobility. However, I remained reliant on a multitude of other medications.

The truth was, we knew that returning to Massachusetts would grant us immediate access to free healthcare and other forms of assistance. However, our journey back home was fraught with adversity and nearly claimed the lives of both myself and my wife. To help fund our journey and make it easier, we sold her car and purchased a truck capable of carrying our remaining belongings. Just two hours into our drive, a police officer pulled us over due to a malfunctioning tail light. As we veered off the interstate, disaster struck—one of the truck's wheels flew off, colliding with the other car we were towing, leaving us stranded and unable to continue. 

The truck was totaled, but miraculously, we were alive. We reached out to friends back east, who generously provided the financial support necessary to continue our journey back to Massachusetts. My wife bore the brunt of the burden as my physical abilities had not yet improved enough for me to assist her.

Finally reunited with dear friends in Massachusetts, we received immeasurable support in obtaining the essentials for survival. Disability benefits were granted, and we used whatever resources we could to stabilize our precarious financial situation. 

I sought a doctor I trusted and relentlessly asked, "Are there any drugs on my list I can stop taking?" To my dismay, their response remained consistent—each drug was deemed necessary for a corresponding diagnosis. Deep down, I understood that these medications were not truly healing me but merely alleviating symptoms. However, my fierce desire to live compelled me to continue with the prescribed drugs. I believed them wholeheartedly when they told me I would die from dermatomyositis or its treatment. That belief kept me trapped in the sick role, faithfully injecting drugs and swallowing prescribed pills, convinced that they were my lifeline. I held onto the hope that they were trying to save me.

My wife approached me and revealed that she had decided to leave. She believed that by stepping away, I would rediscover my strength and begin to heal. And the fact is, she was right.

In the autumn of 2013, a pivotal moment arrived when my wife approached me and revealed that she had decided to leave. She believed that by stepping away, I would rediscover my strength and begin to heal. Despite battling numerous illnesses, I have always been known as a resilient and powerful woman. She felt that I had succumbed to my circumstances, and it became unbearable for her to witness any longer. It made us incapable of getting along well or having a happy life. She also had abandoned taking care of her own health issues in favor of helping me, and she needed to tend to herself. She knew I was safe and had support, but I knew the decision to leave didn’t come easily. I did not understand fully then, but as time passed, I understood. And the fact is, she was right.

Consequently, she ventured to live in a secluded cabin on women's land in Missouri, leaving me behind. I found myself alone, unable to drive, and reliant on a caregiver's assistance to manage household tasks and ensure my safety during showers. I was just surviving. It would be a long time before I would hear from my wife again. I had to learn to accept that.

Deciding on self-healing

One day, as I sat on the couch in solitude, I heard a distinct voice speaking to me. "Your body can heal itself,” the voice said. This voice resonated deeply within me. I stated it out loud and wrote it down. I wrote it several times, in several ways, taking it in and looking at it carefully. 

I started to draw on my extensive education in Occupational Therapy from Boston University, where I had delved into various scientific disciplines. I started to remember what I knew.  

For instance, I knew that the body possesses its own healing abilities. I studied that in detail in college. It was then I realized that I had to put my body in the right conditions—into balance. Motivated by this realization, I delved into extensive research. I delved into the topic of inflammation, exploring all the diseases attributed to me and all of the information on every medication I had been prescribed. It became clear to me that my body hadn't been given a fair chance to heal amidst all the chemicals. My body was completely out of balance, out of homeostasis. I found evidence supporting that once you are on more than two pharmaceutical drugs, they cannot fully determine the interactions. I was taking sixteen!

I wanted to get better, be empowered to be me, and LIVE—not just survive.

With conviction, I decided I could not endorse to others or entirely justify it within the confines of mainstream medicine. Yet, I knew it was the right path for me. I decided to gradually wean myself off of as many of the pharmaceutical products as I could.  I started by reducing the dosage of Gabapentin and halving my intake of morphine. I believed that starting with these medications would allow me to think more clearly. I opted not to consult my doctor, who had previously insisted that I couldn't discontinue any prescribed medications as they were the appropriate treatment for my illness. If I were to embark on this journey, I would have to do it alone.

Unaware of my physical and mental addiction to many of these drugs, I armed myself with passion and a renewed zest for life, effectively shifting my mindset from victim to victor—or so I thought.

Little did I know that true victory would be a long and arduous path and a long time away. Within a short amount of time, I found myself in full withdrawal from the "drug overload" my body had endured over the years. Tremors shook my body, I was covered in sweat, and at times, my coherence waned. I confronted this challenge alone, but eventually, I decided to confide in close friends. Initially, seeking their support to acquire groceries and supplies. But I realized I also needed their emotional support as well.

One day, I reached out to a friend for assistance with groceries, but she could not lend a hand. Nevertheless, she contacted another friend of hers—a familiar acquaintance named Donna—who graciously offered her help.

When Donna arrived at my home and caught sight of me, looking concerned, she exclaimed, "What's wrong? You look worse than the last time I saw you."

I explained my actions and the significance they held to me in enabling me to regain my power and health. I explained that since the doctors told me I would die anyway, and I believed it, what if, instead, I believed that I could get better? 

I explained that I felt I was on pharmaceutical overload and didn’t know which pills and injections I truly needed.

Donna congratulated me and then posed a question that would change my life forever for the better. “Have you tried marijuana?" she asked. 

Surprised by her question, I replied, "Donna, I'm trying to wean off drugs. I mean, I used marijuana in high school, and it probably helped me cope, but I fail to see how adding another substance would be beneficial now."

I realized the undeniable truth: Cannabis was my medicine.

Donna enlightened me, emphasizing that marijuana, or cannabis, was not merely a drug but a healing herb. She claimed it could alleviate withdrawal symptoms, relieve pain, and offer numerous other benefits. “It is medicine,” she said. 

Considering my circumstances, I contemplated, "Well, at this point, I have nothing to lose, I suppose. If I listen to my health care providers, I'd believe that I am going to die, and I wouldn't be trying to get off the drugs at all… Okay. I'll try it.” I knew nothing about the healing properties of cannabis, the state of legalization, or any of the rules. All I knew was I wanted to get better, be empowered to be me, and LIVE—not just survive.

She explained that she had some in the car. “It’s legal, medically, in Massachusetts. So, if it works, you can take the legal route—if it makes you feel better. I really don’t know anything about how you do that. I’m an old hippie and have been using it my whole life. I’ll go get it, and we will see what happens.”

With eager anticipation, I watched her grind the medicine and roll it into a joint with care. I then took a few puffs from the freshly rolled joint she shared with me. As I inhaled the cannabis medicine into my lungs for the third toke, the withdrawal symptoms and excruciating pain almost magically began dissipating, fading into the background of my consciousness.

In that transformational moment, I realized the undeniable truth: Cannabis was my medicine.

Read Part 2 of Wendy’s journey here »

If you are interested in learning more about Wendy's consulting services, visit her website or contact her directly via email at edgecoachingandconsulting@gmail.com.

If gummies aren’t your thing and you want to take a stab at making Halloween-themed edibles, below is a step by step guide on how to make canna-butter or canna-oil.

STRAINS IN MISSOURI:

Strawberry Cough

Strawberry Cough is a classic sativa strain known for its fresh strawberry flavor and potent effects. Users can expect an intense head high that energizes and sparks creativity. A delicious strain that easily sends users into a fit of giggles, Strawberry Cough is perfect for a Halloween party with friends or trick-or-treating until the candy runs out.

• Terpenes: Myrcene, Caryophyllene, Pinene

• Helps Relieve: Anxiety, Chronic Pain, Depression, Inflammation, Stress

Fifth Dimension

Fifth Dimension is a hybrid strain that leans indica. The high starts off with a heavy cerebral high that relaxes users into a calm and creative state. This strain is a great match for making Halloween crafts or watching a good psychological thriller like The Chilling Adventures of Sabrina and American Horror story.

• Terpenes: Beta-Caryophyllene, Limonene, Beta-Myrcene

• Helps Relieve: ADD/ADHD, Anxiety, Chronic Pain, Depression, Inflammation, Insomnia, Appetite Loss, PTSD

Purple Sunset

Purple Sunset is an indica-leaning hybrid that eases users into a balanced high of both the body and mind. This strain provides a calm, uplifting high without sedation. Its medley of citrus, floral, and spice scents is reminiscent of popular Autumn treats making it a perfect compliment to an evening spent reading a book or binging Halloween specials.

• Terpenes: Myrcene, Linalool, Limonene

• Helps Relieve: ADD/ADHD, Anxiety, Appetite Loss, Chronic Pain, Depression, Nausea, Stress

HOW TO MAKE CANNA-BUTTER or CANNA-OIL:

Step 1: Pick Your Cannabis Strain

Step 2: Decarb Your Flower or Concentrate

How to decarb flower:

1 - Preheat your oven to 220 degrees Fahrenheit.

2 - Grind up your flower and spread it evenly on a baking sheet covered in aluminum foil.

3 - Place in the oven and bake for 30-40 minutes, stirring halfway through. If the flower is turning brown too quickly or smells like its burning, turn down the temperature of your oven. The cannabis is done when it looks lightly toasted and golden brown.

How to decarb concentrate:

1 - Preheat your oven to 240 degrees Fahrenheit.

2 - Put a piece of parchment paper on a baking sheet, and place the concentrate in the center of the parchment paper.

3 - Place in the oven and bake for 30 minutes. At 30 minutes, take it out and stir out the bubbles. Place back in the oven for another 15 minutes.

4 - After 15 minutes, turn off the oven and crack open the door. Leave in for another 15 minutes.

5 - Take the baking sheet out of the oven and place in the freezer for 2 minutes.

*Don’t have time to decarb and infuse? RSO, dabbable syringes, and full extract canna oil (FECO) are fully decarbed. They can be consumed as is, but are much tastier when prepared as part your favorite treat! These extracts are readily able to be added to any base ingredient such as butter, coconut oil, etc. Heat desired dosage of preferred extract with any base ingredient and stir. Once evenly mixed, it is ready to use.

*Take note: the more flower or concentrate you use, the more potent your edibles will be. To calculate how strong your edibles are, visit this edible dosage calculator.  

Step 3: Choose Your Base Ingredient

When infusing, you can use any type of butter or oil you prefer as your base ingredient, however, coconut oil is ideal for several reasons. Coconut oil is high in saturated fat, which helps bind the THC to the oil, and is a great alternative for users who are lactose intolerant or vegan. It also can help mask the taste of weed and enhance the flavor of your edibles.

Step 4: Time to Infuse

Infusing with flower

1 - Take your decarbed flower and combine it with your base ingredient.

2 - Place the mixture in a double-boiler, slow cooker, or saucepan, and simmer on low for 2-3 hours. Make sure the oil temperature stays between 160-200 degrees Fahrenheit.

3 - When done, strain the infused oil using a mesh strainer or cheesecloth into a clean container.

Infusing with concentrate

1 - Take your decarbed concentrate out of the freezer and place in a pot with your base ingredient.

2 - Heat on low until concentrate is completely dissolved.

3 - Pour into a clean container.

Step 5: Make your edibles!

The hard part is over and it is time to make your edibles! Get creative with it, and try to make some cute and spooky treats. For Halloween treat ideas, check out these ideas on Cannadish.

Step 6: Enjoy your edibles 🤤

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Come visit The Source and celebrate spooky season with us! Remember, while we try our hardest to keep everything in stock, some of these strains may be sold out or unavailable. Regardless, our crew is always ready to help. Please ask your budtender for similar options.

Have a frighteningly good Halloween!